Why did I eat the pie?

from greenermums.wordpress.com

Let me fast-forward to the punch line of this post: Last Saturday, I ate an entire pecan pie.

Yes, it was REALLY good. No, I'm not proud of it. In fact, the only reason I'm sharing this with you is that I'm so embarrassed I have to tell someone. So, you've got a front row seat in show titled, "The Day Barb Ate the Entire Pie...and Why?" Here's a quick summary of the storyline:  I ate a bazillion calorie, oooey-gooey, buttery-crusted, super fatty, pecan-laden slice of pie. It happened and I can't take it back. (Okay, I could have reversed the process, but I did that a few times in college and realized that it wasn't for me...)

The question that lingers is how could I enjoy something so immensely, but feel guilty about enjoying it? I feel like I broke some unwritten commandment: thou shalt not eat an entire pecan pie. I'm embarrassed because I let it happen. When I opened the package, I originally planned have a small slice each day for the next four days - that was my plan! So, why did I eat the entire 4" pie all at once?

Have you eaten an entire pie? Neither had I. Therefore, I had to make it up as I went along. I didn't just sit at the table and eat the pie. Nooooo, this was a road-trip adventure. One-quarter of the pie was eaten immediately in the kitchen. Another pie quarter was scarfed down while walking up my steps. The third quarter was eaten a few hours later in my bedroom while reading a 500-page book about a guy dying of cancer, who had just began dating his long-time love. Sad book + Kleenex = PIE!

So, what happened to that final quarter of pie? I don't know. At some point, I looked down and the pie tin was empty. I don't remember what happened. I just ate it. And it was gone. To borrow a phrase from Jen Hatmaker, writer of my favorite blog post of the week: Just whatever, man.

Some of you are mortified right now. Barb, how could you? What's wrong with you? Why would you share something sooooo embarrassing?!  I'm coming clean to benefit me and you (because I love you!) We don't want to let anyone in on the secret moments that shame us - even though 99.5% of us have a story to tell. I might have eaten a pie, but who's eaten an entire bag of potato chips? Or entire package of Oreos? Here's one: who has planned to eat a bowl of ice cream, only to scrape the bottom of the carton with the spoon a few hours later? It happens to us all.

In the recovery community, there's an acronym that could explain my pecan pie scenario: HALT, which stands for hungry, angry, lonely and tired. Often, when I am experiencing circumstances that trigger one of these emotions, it increases the likelihood that I will make an unwise choice - like eating a pie. It's not the pie that's the issue, it's me. In the past three weeks, my life has been filled to the brim with good things. Lots of great moments. Non-stop activity. Frankly, I got worn out. Last Saturday, pie seemed like a good solution to the "T" for tired. Should I have taken a nap? Perhaps changed my schedule or gotten some rest instead of eating an entire pie? Yep. But, I didn't. I ate a whole pie instead.

This weekend, I'm giving a message titled, "What are you hungry for?" and addressing the deep hunger that we experience at different times in life. Clearly, I need this message as much as everyone else - which is super humbling since I'm the one up there giving the talk. So, join me this weekend as I share a few things that God has shown me this week about how we can manage the tension that the different kinds of hunger will bring into our lives. We'll talked about how to find the true satisfaction that only God can provide. Also, there's a crazy ridiculous video at the start of my message. Seriously, tune in just for that.

CedarCreek.tv service times: Saturday 5:15pm & 7pm, Sunday 9am, 10:45am and 12:30pm. Watch us live online at www.cedarcreek.tv/live.

I feel bad for the skinny girls...

I was reading an article about actress Jessica Alba, who has acted in television shows such as Dark Angel and starred in movies like "Honey" and "Fantastic Four." She's always been a red carpet darling and the camera loves her. So I was surprised to read about how this soon-to-deliver-her-second-child woman was already talking about how she was going to lose her pregnancy weight because of the pressure she feels to be thin.  Celeb-journalists (as opposed to real journalists...) quote Ms. Alba as saying that she'll starve herself to lose the weight. I sure hope that isn't true, but if it is, then bless her heart...

I kept reading Ms. Alba's assessment (again, as written by a celeb-journalist) of her saggy breasts, cellulite and bigger hips. I'm sure that Ms. Alba's hips are completely, outta control. (Sorry, that was snarky.) But it's just ridiculous - yet I still feel sad for her.  Can't a woman get pregnant, gain weight and proudly wear the battle scars  - and cellulite - associated with the miracle of giving birth? And after Ms. Alba gives birth, the  clock is going to be running for her to peel off the pregnancy weight because if she's still packing even three left-over pregnancy pounds, she won't be able to leave the house for a coffee run at Starbucks for fear that someone will criticize her on Wonderwall.com. My youngest daughter's turns 11 tomorrow and I don't have time to feel guilty about the last 10 pounds I didn't lose from that pregnancy.  Then again, I'm not an actress being paid $2.5 million dollars to entice audiences out to see a movie that cost $75 million to make...

Obviously, Alba's livelihood is very much connected to her visual image and she gets paid very well to fit into clothes sized in the low, single digits. Hollywood success is about fitting the ideal - a fantastical ideal that these actresses and pop stars buy into - maybe because of the financial rewards, perhaps the fame - whatever it is, they agree to it. And the rest of us spend our times resisting the urge to join them in their pursuit- including me. In fact, there was another article (on Friday) that listed the height and weight of many popular female Hollywood celebs and supermodels. It was INSANE! Women with a height of 5'11' weighing 110 lbs. I'm 5'10" and famous Hollywood women of my height didn't tip the scales over 120 lbs. Do you want to know when I'm gonna weigh 120 lbs? After I've been dead at least two weeks...


Where's my cookie at?