The Lifetime Movie Hostage Situation…

 I've been snookered again by a Lifetime movie...
 

Most women know the danger of the Lifetime movie and yet we tend to fall for them every time. It’s always a movie with a mediocre storyline cast with B-list actors set in an All-American suburb. The heroine is either a single mother, a put-upon wife or a cosmopolitan single woman in need of romance and/or danger.

The Lifetime Movie-Watcher hostage situation happens innocently enough. While we never actually set out to watch a Lifetime movie, it is our remote control that betrays us. We are particularly susceptible to these movies at 9:30pm, once we’ve discovered that Gray’s Anatomy is a re-run or after watching half of Desperate Housewives and realizing that the same, stupid storyline isn’t ending anytime soon. So, we begin channel surfing...

And this is how it goes down:

Step One: As we channel surf, we don’t realize that we’ve landed on Lifetime movie. Instead, we see an actress we recognize from a previous favorite television show. We liked her from the show and we stop to see if perhaps she is playing the same type of character.

Step Two: We wait around to see if she is either dating or married to a handsome guy. If he’s not handsome or he’s a jerk, that instantly breaks the spell and we are saved from the hostage situation. But, if he’s cute…

Step Three: THE SITUATION…it depends. If our likeable heroine is falling in love or if she is in danger and he is coming to her rescue, we’re going to stick around and watch it.

Step Four: This is called the “Point-of-no-Return…” This is the point in the movie in which we realize we’ve been had – we’re stuck and we won’t turn, even though we really, really want to. While we might like the actress playing the heroine and we are hoping for a happy ending, we are dying over the silly storyline that they are trapped in. It’s usually implausible or just plain old wacky.

However, when we look at the clock and realize that we’ve invested 85 minutes into a 120-minute movie, we realize we've been had. Yet, we continue watching. We're not happy, but we keep watching.

And I don’t know about you, but at the end of every Lifetime movie, I always mutter the same words as I drag myself unhappily up the steps: “Well, that’s two hours of my life that I’ll never get back…”

Any other victims out there? If so, tell me which Lifetime Movie has held you hostage and was it worth it?

Because I can...

The #1 question I get all of the time is why do I wear heels. "Barb, you are already crazy tall, so why do you insist on wearing heels?" Tall people never ask me that question. My husband never asks me that question, but he is taller than me.

Why do I wear heels? Because I can.

I have a philosophy: If I am already tall, I might as well be taller. There are a lot of cute shoes out there and frankly, I don't want to miss out. Besides, that extra three inches comes in handy at the grocery store when the lady next to me can't reach the panko bread crumbs on the top shelf.

When I slide into a pair of heels, I truly feel more confident. Some people go for a particular shirt or pants for an extra boost to his or self-esteem - I go for a spiky heel. Each clickity-clack of the heel reminds me that where I am going or what I am doing should leave an impression. Too often people tip toe through life, just trying to fly under the radar and get by or blend into the landscape around them.

In heels, I can't hide. And I don't want to. Life is short and then we die. We never know when our last step is going to be.

Life is short. Make every step count.