Women: Our Ugly Struggle with Beauty...

The following is part of the introduction of a project I've been working on the for the past six weeks. The premise of the project is to examine the relationship that women have with inner and outer beauty. The goal of this project is to encourage women to accept the importance of both inner and outer beauty and recognize their interdependence on each other.


Ladies, can you look into the mirror and repeat the following phrase without flinching: I’m beautiful. Just say it: I'm beautiful.

How do those words feel as they come out of your mouth? Do you feel like you are talking about yourself or do you feel disconnected from those words? If you can’t even say  "I'm beautiful," , it's okay. You are not alone. In fact, a staggering 98% of women struggle to say those words and actually mean them.

Do you remember the buzz surrounding Dove's 2004 Campaign for Real Beauty research project? A decade ago, Dove created a survey to help improve market share for their products. Surprisingly, the research revealed more than what body wash women preferred.   The company's survey revealed that a whopping 98% of women did not believe that they were beautiful. Dove launched an amazing advertising campaign to push back against such staggering data. It's been almost 10 years since that study was conducted and there hasn't been any new data to demonstrate that the original results have radically changed. So, if those numbers are still even somewhat true, this means that approximately 8 of the 10 women reading this sentence would not believe that they are beautiful.

 Maybe your math skills are a little sketchy, so let's use a shopping analogy: If Macy’s had your favorite $40.00 sandal or sneaker for 98% off, you might be tempted to throw an elbow for a chance to get that shoe for only $.80. While a 98% discount on shoes is worthy of celebration, that same 98% signals that we have an epic tragedy on our hands when we realize that only two of 10 women believe they are beautiful.

What is "beauty?" Google's simple definition of "beauty" is "pleasant to gaze on or a combination of attractive qualities." Nowhere in the definition of "beauty" are the words "perfection" or "flawless." Yet, that seems to be what we've elevated our expectation of total beauty to be.

Many women will admit to having beautiful eyes or a beautiful smile. We’ll fess up to admitting that we think that our legs or hair is beautiful. However, it is a rare woman who can confidently stand up to say: “My name is ______________ and I think I’m beautiful.” Who is brave enough to admit to complete beauty, not just a pieces-part, conditional beauty? No, we could never do that. Sadly, 98% of us feel that we authentically cannot do that. 

Why is it so hard to stand in front of a full-length mirror and smile comfortably and confidently at what we see – and cheer what we see? Only a few women are able to do this. So, it is not impossible, just not likely. Even if a woman could admit to being beautiful in front of her bathroom mirror, we are not comfortable when a woman makes her proclamation of beauty in our presence. So, even if she could, we don't necessarily want her to do so.

Yet, we love telling our girlfriends when they look beautiful while forbidding the notion that we could have beauty, too - and admit it. I'm beautiful. No, we cannot say that. Not you. Not me. Yes, those words to belong to others and we pretend that we do not care that we cannot own them for ourselves.

We all know that there is more to life than being able to proclaim our beauty in front of the bathroom mirror. Yes, our value as women should not be wholly dependent upon our physcial features, a bathroom scale or what size clothing we wear. But, let’s not pretend that those things aren’t important. Let’s stop shooing away the topic of outer beauty like a bothersome fly at a picnic.  Let’s step toward authenticity and admit that how we feel about what we see in the mirror does matters. It’s not the only thing that matters, but it does matter.  

If this topic interests you and you'd like to follow this project, you might consider subscribing to my TallBrownBarbie blog. I'll be posting more material in the next few months, but I may not always share the blog on my Facebook. Why? Fear, panic - I don't know.

But, I do have  a favor to ask:  I'm looking for your stories about your triumphs and struggles with both inner and outer beauty. You can post your stories in this blog or inbox me on Facebook. I won't publish anything without your permission.

It Always Seems Impossible Till It's Done...

Nostalgia made a comeback this week after Dodge's well-recieved "God Made a Farmer" commercial debuted during the Superbowl. Here is a 1918 poem that totally inspired me.When I saw this in a Facebook post from Lisa Clair, I just had to repost - make sure to read it twice because it has a certain cadence you may not pick up at first:


"Somebody said that it couldn’t be done,
But, he with a chuckle replied
That "maybe it couldn’t," but he would be one
Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he ...tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you’ll never do that;
At least no one has done it";
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure; There are thousands to point out to you one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle it in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "couldn’t be done," and you’ll do it."
(By Edgar Albert Guest, © 1916)

Thank you so much, Lisa - and to your grandpa for passing it along to you to share with us.

Getting Out of My Own Way...

photo from 123fr.com

"To succeed, you need to find something to hold on to,

something to motivate you, something to inspire you."*

We've finished the first month of the new year. Hopefully, you're still following through with the any of the good intentions you made at the beginning of the year. I need to give props to my husband, who decided to lose 50 pounds. He went back to the gym, changed his eating habits and after 30 days of busting his butt, he's lost 20 pounds - and looks awesome! The workouts at Alpha Fitness may kill him before this is over, but no doubt he'll be ripped in no time flat!

 

I'm entering my fifth week of the six objectives I wanted to accomplish in the six week period from January 1-February 15. With two weeks to go, I'm doing okay. My focus on spiritual disciplines is going well, but getting to the gym four times a week...not so much. Matt and I are enjoying weekly date night- always a good thing!  As for my writing goals, I have two objectives: posting weekly to TallBrownBarbie blog and finishing my book proposal. I'm on track with blogging, but things with my book proposal are a bit trickier.

 

My book proposal...it's killing me. On the first day of writing, I was euphoric because it only took me five hours to create a framework for the book proposal and to start writing the first chapter. Then something interesting began happening in the second and third week of writing - a troubling pattern began to develop. I would be writing content, then realize that based on what I was writing, I would need to tweak the chapter summaries. Once I tweaked the chapter summaries, then I would resume writing. After writing for a bit, I would go back to the chapter summaries again. Call what you want - hamster wheel, spin cycle, insanity - whatever it was, I wasn't making progess and I was getting frustrated.

 

A few days ago, I made an important realization...I've got to get out of my own way.

 

QUESTION:  How do we break through when roadblocks seem to impede the progress toward our goals? How do we keep from sabotaging our hard work?

 

1. Re-assess your "win"  - Make sure you have a crystal-clear definition of your goal. Additionally, you must identify the payoff that achieving that goal will bring to your life. How will your achievement inspire or motivate you? Once you've got the answer to that question, you can use it to continuously create momentum to drive you over the obstacles that are sure to arise along the journey.

 

2. Don't let roadblocks obscure the big picture or your goal -  There's a million cliches about have courage. Why? Because we need constant reminders not to give up when the going gets tough. It's easy to let a series of discouraging moments or events overcome you, but keep pushing through. Not only does pushing through get you close to your goal, but there is an added value in experiencing the satisfaction that comes from enduring difficulties and overcoming them.

 

3. Slow and steady wins the race - The story of the tortoise and the hare is ancient, but still relevant today. To accomplish anything meaningful, we need to pace ourselves well over the long haul. In his book, Great By Choice, Jim Collins introduces the "20-mile march"** model advocating consistency and discipline over slash-n-dash attempts to hurry to progress. Sometimes, we do need to make haste and seize opportunities, but we cannot keep up a breakneck pace when chasing a goal or else we will miss important milestones along the way. It's better to take time to readjust our goals along the way than to have to backtrack because we hurried too fast and missed a warning sign or an opportune moment.

 

Based on the suggestions above, here's what I'm thinking for my situation:

1. My "win" is to finish my book proposal. The reason why I need this win is to move to the next step which is finding an agent, who might like me or what I've written. Fingers crossed.

2. I've got a lot of roadblocks - distraction, insecurity, fear, etc - and it's my job to self-manage my reactions to those feelings. I think that what I'm writing can make a difference, but if I talk myself out of doing this, I'll never know.

3. I want to be done with the book proposal now. Right now. In fact, I hoped I finished it this weekend, but sensed that I was psyching myself out, so I decided to take a day off and watch lots of Downton Abbey. Good move on my part.

 

 

How are your goals going? Where are your roadblocks - and have you lost track of your "win"? Pushing through our plateau moments or even temporary failures is all part of the journey.

Scriptural Inspiration: Romans 5:3-5 is one of my top 10 favorite verses in the Bible. The scriptual author reminds us that our difficulties give us an opportunity to develop endurance - and it is endurance that shapes our character. When we have solid character, especially when our character reflects the character of Christ, then we experience the magnficent hope that God will never leave us or forsake us in whatever we experience in this life. Here is the link to the verse: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%205:3-5&version=NLT

 

*Quote from Tony Dorsett

** Here's an article with Collins discussing Great By Choice. It's long, but if you like this stuff, it's a good article: http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2011/09/30/jim-collins-great-by-choice-exclusive-excerpt/

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