Women: Our Ugly Struggle with Beauty...

The following is part of the introduction of a project I've been working on the for the past six weeks. The premise of the project is to examine the relationship that women have with inner and outer beauty. The goal of this project is to encourage women to accept the importance of both inner and outer beauty and recognize their interdependence on each other.


Ladies, can you look into the mirror and repeat the following phrase without flinching: I’m beautiful. Just say it: I'm beautiful.

How do those words feel as they come out of your mouth? Do you feel like you are talking about yourself or do you feel disconnected from those words? If you can’t even say  "I'm beautiful," , it's okay. You are not alone. In fact, a staggering 98% of women struggle to say those words and actually mean them.

Do you remember the buzz surrounding Dove's 2004 Campaign for Real Beauty research project? A decade ago, Dove created a survey to help improve market share for their products. Surprisingly, the research revealed more than what body wash women preferred.   The company's survey revealed that a whopping 98% of women did not believe that they were beautiful. Dove launched an amazing advertising campaign to push back against such staggering data. It's been almost 10 years since that study was conducted and there hasn't been any new data to demonstrate that the original results have radically changed. So, if those numbers are still even somewhat true, this means that approximately 8 of the 10 women reading this sentence would not believe that they are beautiful.

 Maybe your math skills are a little sketchy, so let's use a shopping analogy: If Macy’s had your favorite $40.00 sandal or sneaker for 98% off, you might be tempted to throw an elbow for a chance to get that shoe for only $.80. While a 98% discount on shoes is worthy of celebration, that same 98% signals that we have an epic tragedy on our hands when we realize that only two of 10 women believe they are beautiful.

What is "beauty?" Google's simple definition of "beauty" is "pleasant to gaze on or a combination of attractive qualities." Nowhere in the definition of "beauty" are the words "perfection" or "flawless." Yet, that seems to be what we've elevated our expectation of total beauty to be.

Many women will admit to having beautiful eyes or a beautiful smile. We’ll fess up to admitting that we think that our legs or hair is beautiful. However, it is a rare woman who can confidently stand up to say: “My name is ______________ and I think I’m beautiful.” Who is brave enough to admit to complete beauty, not just a pieces-part, conditional beauty? No, we could never do that. Sadly, 98% of us feel that we authentically cannot do that. 

Why is it so hard to stand in front of a full-length mirror and smile comfortably and confidently at what we see – and cheer what we see? Only a few women are able to do this. So, it is not impossible, just not likely. Even if a woman could admit to being beautiful in front of her bathroom mirror, we are not comfortable when a woman makes her proclamation of beauty in our presence. So, even if she could, we don't necessarily want her to do so.

Yet, we love telling our girlfriends when they look beautiful while forbidding the notion that we could have beauty, too - and admit it. I'm beautiful. No, we cannot say that. Not you. Not me. Yes, those words to belong to others and we pretend that we do not care that we cannot own them for ourselves.

We all know that there is more to life than being able to proclaim our beauty in front of the bathroom mirror. Yes, our value as women should not be wholly dependent upon our physcial features, a bathroom scale or what size clothing we wear. But, let’s not pretend that those things aren’t important. Let’s stop shooing away the topic of outer beauty like a bothersome fly at a picnic.  Let’s step toward authenticity and admit that how we feel about what we see in the mirror does matters. It’s not the only thing that matters, but it does matter.  

If this topic interests you and you'd like to follow this project, you might consider subscribing to my TallBrownBarbie blog. I'll be posting more material in the next few months, but I may not always share the blog on my Facebook. Why? Fear, panic - I don't know.

But, I do have  a favor to ask:  I'm looking for your stories about your triumphs and struggles with both inner and outer beauty. You can post your stories in this blog or inbox me on Facebook. I won't publish anything without your permission.