Change Your Life By February 15!

 

Well, well, well...It's December 31, 2012 and exactly the right time for us to start hatching bright ideas about how we are going to change anything and everything we don't like about ourselves or our lives. Of course, this is just the mountain we want to climb after six weeks of no-holds-barred eating, shopping, holiday partying and late night gatherings. Question: Is possible to go from cheesecake to carrots overnight? Seriously, can you really, truly go from couch potato to ab crunch queen in the same 24-hour period? Sure, but just how long will your willpower last before you fade back into where you find yourself right now? Ouch.That hurt and you haven't been (back) to the gym yet...

What's stopping you from really doing something different this year? Is it even possible to accomplish one goal? You know I'm going to say the magic word: YES!
I'm not breaking any new ground here, but I do want to share something that has been an incredible tool for me since August. In fact, if you decide to integrate this tool into your life, you can actually experience tremendous life change by February 15. Since I have your attention, I'm going to string this out a bit...

We know that the majority of people fail in keeping their New Year's resolutions...
Why? Most resolutions are too broad and lack specific milestones. Our best chance at success is creating a specific list of goals with short-term milestones. I know that I can summon large bursts of energy and effort directed at a set number of tasks for a short period of time with high success. This is why the following technique has replaced my need to create resolutions.

What's 6x6? How does it work?*
In the fall, I began using a technique called "6x6" and it was developed by Bill Hybels, Senior Pastor of WillowCreek Church in Chicago.* This strategy is simple - I wrote down six goals that I want to accomplish in six weeks on a single notecard. Then, I tucked the notecard into my iPad so that I could look at the notecard periodically to stay on track.

Since I only had six weeks to accomplish my 6x6 list, a magical thing happened...I began to organize my time and energy around my identified objectives. Inconsequential tasks began to fade away and I was able to refrain from over-commiting myself to new projects because I had already identified what needed to get done in those short six weeks.

Barb's 6x6 personal goals
Here's my personal 6x6 for January 1-February 15 - but only six - any more and my chances of success will diminish. (I also have a 6x6 for my professional objectives.)

So, this is my 6x6:
1. Weekly emphasis on spiritual disciplines**
2. Write weekly blog - publish on Mondays
3. Submit first book proposal to publisher
4. Gym - four days a week
5. Schedule all doctors, dentists, haircuts, vet/grooming, car servicing, home maintance appointments for next six months
6. Date night each week - must schedule in advance

You COULD change your life by February 15! 
You'll notice that my 6x6 isn't sexy, but it has teeth. While there are no grandiose goals or large scale accomplishments, I'm going to be A LOT closer to something accomplishing fabulous by February 15 than I would be if I overshot and created large scale resolutions without specific milestones. The same can happen for you. By February 15, you COULD create some seriously amazing momentum in your life!

So, now it's your turn. Think about what you need to do in the next six weeks and write it down on a notecard - or put it in your phone. This 6x6 list just needs to be somewhere you can see it at least once a day. Keeping it in plain view maintains the tension you need to push forward.

Scriptural Inspiration
In the Old Testament, Ecclesiastes 3 discusses that there is a rhythm of life when we need to accomplish certain things at certain times. Therefore, I'm learning that while I have "big picture" dreams, the path toward those dreams isn't accomplished in leaps-n-bounds, but in faithful steps walked - sometimes even run - each day.

Happy New Year 2013!
Barb


REFERENCES:
*Here is the link to Bill Hybels' video clip explaining how he developed 6x6: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4Qg0e4mwsE
**Spiritual Disciplines is a faith-based term that describes spiritual practices (not religious rules) that cultivate my faith and relationship with Christ. I will be focusing on the spiritual disciplines of fasting and prayer.

Small Brown Barbie Meets Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and I was nine years old, 
settled deep in my blankets, shielded from the cold...

All I wanted that year for Christmas was a handheld Pacman game. Hand held games were new and I salivated at the notion I could play my favorite game on-demand. It would be a dream come true for a small, quiet brown-skinned girl with big round glasses and two large front teeth.

On Christmas Eve, my parents hustled my younger brother, sister and me to bed and warned us to stay in our rooms until they came to get us the next morning. "If you come out," warned my mother,"Santa might see you and throw pepper in your eyes and not leave any toys." (Mom, you actually said that...)

As our bedroom door clicked shut for the endless night, I began the task of forcing myself to sleep. After all, I had praying to God for weeks that he would tell Santa to bring me that PacMan game.  My childhood theology dictated that Santa would do anything that God told him to do.

The night dripped along and I was wide awake. I tried to sleep. While I couldn't hear what they were saying or doing, I could tell my parents were having a grand 'ole time out in our living room. Then, there was a knock at our front door and a voice entered proclaiming: "HO-HO-HO! Merrrr-rrry Christmas!" It was Santa!

Oh no! Of all the little kids on the planet, I believed that Santa had just showed up at my house - err, apartment. I was confused because didn't even have a fireplace. Instead, Santa just walked through our front door. I immediately regretted inviting Santa to come over a few weeks before at KMart when we where getting our pictures taken with him.

I was still awake and now, Santa was in MY living room. Then, I heard  a deep, bellowing voice say: "I wonder if those Neal children are asleep?" I kid you not.

My eyes opened wide in fear. Santa's footsteps were coming down the hallway to my room and I was still awake. Not only was I going to get pepper tossed in my eyes, he was going to take my beloved PacMan game and give it to some other kid.

The door knob started to turn, so I did the only thing I could - I clamped my eyes shut and pretended to be asleep. As the door swished open across the carpet, I could sense the light streaming across my face as Santa stepped in. I willed my body to lay stark still.

Santa's footsteps crunched across the carpet toward my bunk bed. My 6-year old sister was sound asleep on the bottom and I was faux-asleep on the top. This must have made  it easier for Santa to see my not-so-sound-asleep face. I should have won an Emmy Award for that acting job - and I don't know how Santa kept from laughing.

After a few interminable moments, I felt Santa step away and our door closed again. I nearly cried with relief. I didn't care that I had a chance to see Santa - while I could have answered the mystery as to whether Santa was black or white (my cousins and I wondered about that...) I was just thrilled that my eyes weren't burning from pepper and there was still a chance I could get that video game.

A few moments later, I heard Santa and my parents laughing and talking in the living room.  Eventually, I fell asleep from exhaustion, but not before I heard the glorious sound of my parents playing a PacMan video game. My Smallbrownbarbie heart soared as I drifted off...

To this day, I still don't know who was Santa. I could ask my parents and they would tell me, but I really don't ever want to know. There are some memories that should just be allowed to remain untouched and this is blessedly one of them.

Thanks for checking out Tallbrownbarbie's blog and Merry Christmas to you all. Now it's your turn to share! What's your favorite childhood Christmas memory?









 

Why God?

Earlier this week, I was working on a blog post titled, "Spiders for Christmas" and you were going to love it. But, things change drastically when a madman goes into an elementary school and massacres 26 precious children and unsuspecting adults.

 

So, how are you doing? Doing Okay? No. Maybe anxious or fearful? Perhaps you are angry or confused? It's okay. It really is okay to feel like you are floundering a tiny bit - or a lot - for that matter. For many, Friday's shooting has created either a diminished sense of hope and/or a crisis of faith. If you can relate, then this post is for you.

 

One of the most common questions people after tragedy ask is: Why did this happen? And, if you are really being honest, you really want to know why God would let this happen? Truth is, I don't know why this happened - and I highly doubt that the folks at MSNBC, CNN or FoxNews can adequately answer that question either. No one can really, truly answer why that young man got out of bed and destroyed the lives of so many. You can drive yourself crazy by pushing for an answer to an unanswerable question or you might ask another question: "What can I do?

 

If you are struggling, I have a few thoughts that might help you process through this tragedy. By the way, my comments are going to be faith-based because that's how I roll. Even if you aren't a person who agrees with my faith, I'd like to think you could still get something out of this...

 

Is there still hope for our crazy, evil world?

Answer: A resounding YES! Yes, there is still hope in this world - and YOU can still have hope! Why? It never takes more than a day after a tragic event for us to begin hearing stories of heroes who stepped into the path of evil or difficult circumstances to do good.  I'm tearing up right now as I think about 27-year old teacher Victoria Soto, who stepped into the gunman's line of fire after hiding her first graders. Victoria's only thought in the face of evil was to protect her students - she did not run, she did not give up. Victoria pushed back against evil by doing good. While she may have died, the good she did - the lives she saved - cannot be diminished by her death.

 

Tragedy creates heroes. Heroes give us hope. Think about all of the heroes from devastating tragedies such as Columbine, 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, Virginia Tech, Aurora, CO shootings. In every instance, Evil made a play and while there was loss, further loss was always prevented by those who valiantly stood their ground or others who stormed into the path of danger.

In John 16:33, Jesus reminds us that we live in a broken world because we stray far from God because we want to make our own decisions. Often, our decisions hurt others. Far too often, our decisions have destroyed lives. Since I am unable to single-handedly eliminate evil from the world, here are some important words from Jesus that being me hope: "I have told you these things so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart because I have overcome the world."

This is where the faith stuff comes in. If I have to process through intense tragedy without a filter that includes a solution that is greater, smarter and more powerful than myself, I would feel hopeless. We lose hope when we don't see a solution that we can successful bring to fruition. Therefore, when it seems like Evil is winning, we get anxious or fearful because we begin to believe that Evil will one day overcome us. It is simply not true for those who have faith in Christ. "Taking heart" means that we can have hope that no matter what we face on earth - shooters, car accidents, cancer, poverty, job loss, addiction - we can always have hope when we have Christ because we can never be overtaken by evil. Never. Amen.

 

I know there are some skeptics still asking: "If Jesus is so powerful, then why didn't He stop this from happening?" Good question, that's where I'm heading next - but, remember, there is no answer to why this happened...

 

Why didn't God stop this?

In his book, If God is Good, author Randy Alcorn asks a provocative question: "Why haven't tyrants, with access to powerful weapons, destroyed the planet? What has kept infectious diseases and natural disasters from killing 99% of the world's population?"

That quote got me to thinking: If people were able to follow every evil thought, our world would grind to a halt. Ever thought about that? Yes, there is tremendous evil in our world and atrocities have blighted the record of humanity, but based on the evil that we've seen, humanity is clearly capable of much worse. While we cannot explain why God doesn't stop the evil that we do see and experience, could God be restraining other catastrophic evils because we would be unable to handle more than what is currently burdening our lives?

 
Likewise, are we really aware of how often God does protect us? Probably not. How often do we truly express gratitude for every car ride without an accident, every cold without death, every meal without food contamination, etc... Someone on my Facebook thread was struggling with the concept of writing a gratitude list because he didn't think it would matter considering the evil we had seen in Connecticut. Gratitude does matter! The presence of evil always tries to blind us from the reality that goodness cannot be destroyed, no matter how hard and painfully evil tries to destroy it. When we intentionally express gratitude, it makes us aware of how God is moving in this world. Try writing out that gratitude list!

Questions?

Finally, I know that this post isn't going to answer all of the questions out there. If you do have questions, bring them one. I'm not going to pretend I've got all of the answers, but I'm not afraid of quesitons. Email me at barbr@cedarcreek.tv or find me on Facebook or Twitter - @barbielroose.

 

CREEKERS (or anyone else...)

 1. Make sure to follow www.livingitout.tv this week. There's a great study on prayer that also will help you talk to God in a way that is genuine and authentic.
2. Christmas Services start this Saturday! We've got 50 identifical services at four campuses and a live broadcast on our internet campus! Service times: Saturday - 3:30pm, 5:15pm, 7pm; Sunday - 9am, 10:45am, 12:30pm; Monday - 2pm, 4pm, 6pm, 8pm.
3. BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS: Randy Alcorn, If God is Good and Philip Yancey, Where is God When It Hurts. These books have no easy answers and the authors use a lot of great thinking and wisdom to take on the toughest questions on humanity,evil and suffering.

 

Links:
If God is Good: http://www.amazon.com/If-God-Good-Faith-Suffering/dp/160142132X
Where is God When It Hurts: http://www.amazon.com/Where-When-Hurts-Philip-Yancey/dp/0310245729/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1355747409&sr=1-1&keywords=where+is+god+when+it+hurts+by+philip+yancey

Are You a People-Pleaser?

Are you a people-pleaser? If someone asks you to do something, do you feel like you'll let them down if you say "no"? Have you ever said "yes" to an obligation and then regretted it or suffered through the experience because you didn't know how to say "no"?
 
Confession time: I can be a people-pleaser. It's not often - but when I am, I really make-up for all of the times that I am not. I like to help people and when I help them, they are usually pleased. It's a good feeling knowing I made someone happy. Therefore, I could be considered a "people-pleaser."  In my opinion, not all people-pleasers aren't push-overs, but forgive me for saying this: People-pleasers can be prideful. Ouch. I know, go ahead and feel the pain with me - and let me clarify that statement.
 
There's nothing more exhilarating than getting "The Ask," especially when it comes from people that we like and admire OR people that we want to like or admire us. It doesn't matter if we are being asked to plan our child's class party or chair a major gala, "The Ask" becomes a powerful (yet possibly erroneous) validation of our deep desire to be important or irreplaceable.When we hear the words, "Would you..." or "We would love you to consider...", warm, yummy endorphins start racing through our system, making our body tingle.There's nothing like being called up to the plate for a swing - especially when we beat someone else out for the opportunity (that's the pride part...). Perhaps you remember seeing footage of the an iconic moment in Academy Award history when actress Sally Fields claimed her Oscar and enthusiastically proclaimed to the Academy: "You like me, you like me." *
 
So, what's the bad part about "The Ask"? Yes, there is a downside. The downside is when you or I say "Yes to the Dress" and it isn't the right fit or role for us. Maybe bad timing, current family dynamics, pending projects before or after, etc. Too often, "The Ask" is so powerful, that it blinds us to the important questions we need to consider before saying signing on to a commitment - no matter the size or scope of the obligation.
 
What questions should we consider? After some really stressful scheduling conflicts, I needed a better way to slice through my "You-like-me" euphoria in order decide what requests should get a "yes" and to which ones I must say "no." Luckily, some smart people have spoken into my life on this topic and I thought I'd share with you some of what I've learned.
 
Here are a few questions for you and I to consider:
 
1. MOTIVE: "Am I saying "yes" because "The Ask" is consistent with my hopes, dreams, goals or purpose in life OR am I saying "yes" just because I was asked?"
2. FIT: "Is there anyone else who could do this task as well as OR better than me?"
2. SCHEDULE: "Do I really have the time to not only show up for the obligation, but to also properly prepare for this opportunity?"
3. AFFORDABILITY: "What are the financial and relational costs associated with this opportunity? Can I truly afford those costs?"

If all systems are go for the "yes," then call up and accept! But, if there are some red flags and a "no" is in order, here's one more thing to consider: Plan your "no." Yep, you have to plan how you will say "no." My suggestion is to follow the KISS rule (Keep It Simple, Stupid) and just say, "No, thank you. I'm honored to be asked, but I am unable to participate at this time."  You can customize this statement to fit your style, but you've got to have your "no" planned. Otherwise, you'll end up flipping on your decision if the other party decides to apply some pressure to get you to change your mind. We all know there is nothing worse than agreeing to do something you never planned to do.

In a Matthew 5, Jesus was teaching about the importance of carefully evaluating our obligations: “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’...**  During this Christmas season, we remember how Jesus came to this earth with a purpose. He was never distracted from his purpose by all of the opportunities that cropped up each day to heal the sick, perform miracles and so many other good things. Yet, Jesus accomplished his assigned mission because he said "yes" to the best. And unapologetically walked away from the rest.


References:
*Link to Sally Field's iconic acceptance speech - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl_NpdAy3WY 
**Matthew 5:37

Surviving the Holidays...and Your Family

Have you ever noticed that the Christmas season can bring out the crazy in our families? Not everyone has to hunker down and prepare for an afternoon with an angry uncle or passive-aggressive mother, but I know many of you do. I often get emails or stopped by well-meaning people looking for suggestions (and even a way out) of dealing with holiday family gatherings.  Too often, we have the "Oh-that's-just-the-way-it-is" attitude toward holiday Christmas dinners and we give up thinking things could be different.

So, at each gathering we show up and execute the drill and it might look like this:

• Don't talk to your dad about taxes or retirement (...it never goes well).
• Avoid Aunt Elizabeth (...she talks too much about her colitis).
• Remember, don't talk to Cousin Suzanne about Cousin Marcy (...they aren't talking and you shouldn't either).
• Smile when your mother asks you why you don't call more often (...you probably should call more...)

But, what do you do when for all of your careful planning and best intentions someone says something that threatens to set you off? I have a few suggestions that I've discovered to be not only wise, but the best way for you to survive and enjoy the holidays:

• You can only do what you can do...One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Romans 12:18 - "Do all that YOU can to live at peace with everyone." Here's an important truth: you can't make people treat you a particular way. "Doing all that you can" means that you are responsible for treating people with kindness and respect, no matter how they behave toward you. This also means that if their behavior continues to be inappropriate no matter how hard you try, then it is both acceptable and appropriate for you to think making alternative arrangements to attending the gathering. Likewise, if you can't manage yourself when others push your buttons, then you really should think about celebrating the holidays a different way.
• Stop talking...Most of us are stunned and amazed at some of the hurtful - or hateful - words that we save to use for our family (or close friends). Too often, our words are usually spark that leads to the meltdown in our relationships. Ecclesiastes 5:3 warns us that too many words will make us a fool. Why are we a fool? Well, how many times have you had to apologize for words that came flying out of your mouth before because you couldn't get a handle on yourself. Yep, happened to me, too. It's foolish for us to think that we can say whatever we want without leaving a trial of carnage behind us. I heard someone say, "If you are explaining (using lots of words), you are already losing." Sometimes, we've just got to hold our tongue and communicate our opinion at a different time and in a different place.
• Repay a criticism with kindness... Stay with me - when someone says something that is both untrue and mean, you don't have to strike back. Really, you don't. Proverbs 15:1 encourages us with the words: "A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare." By now we know the things that our family members say that drive us crazy. Therefore, let those statements be a cue for you to respond with something like: "I know you don't agree with me, but I'm so glad to celebrate Christmas with you" or "I have a different viewpoint. Can I have some time to think about what you just said?"

Hopefully, these suggestions give you something to think about for the next few weeks. Of course, there is not "one-size-fits-all" solution to the complexities of our family relationship. Still, you have the ability to control how you will experience the holidays and interact with your family and friends.

So, enjoy your Christmas and New Year's gatherings with friends and family. Peace on earth...and at Grandma's.