Most women know the danger of the Lifetime movie and yet we tend to fall for them every time. It’s always a movie with a mediocre storyline cast with B-list actors set in an All-American suburb. The heroine is either a single mother, a put-upon wife or a cosmopolitan single woman in need of romance and/or danger.
The Lifetime Movie-Watcher hostage situation happens innocently enough. While we never actually set out to watch a Lifetime movie, it is our remote control that betrays us. We are particularly susceptible to these movies at 9:30pm, once we’ve discovered that Gray’s Anatomy is a re-run or after watching half of Desperate Housewives and realizing that the same, stupid storyline isn’t ending anytime soon. So, we begin channel surfing...
And this is how it goes down:
Step One: As we channel surf, we don’t realize that we’ve landed on Lifetime movie. Instead, we see an actress we recognize from a previous favorite television show. We liked her from the show and we stop to see if perhaps she is playing the same type of character.
Step Two: We wait around to see if she is either dating or married to a handsome guy. If he’s not handsome or he’s a jerk, that instantly breaks the spell and we are saved from the hostage situation. But, if he’s cute…
Step Three: THE SITUATION…it depends. If our likeable heroine is falling in love or if she is in danger and he is coming to her rescue, we’re going to stick around and watch it.
Step Four: This is called the “Point-of-no-Return…” This is the point in the movie in which we realize we’ve been had – we’re stuck and we won’t turn, even though we really, really want to. While we might like the actress playing the heroine and we are hoping for a happy ending, we are dying over the silly storyline that they are trapped in. It’s usually implausible or just plain old wacky.
However, when we look at the clock and realize that we’ve invested 85 minutes into a 120-minute movie, we realize we've been had. Yet, we continue watching. We're not happy, but we keep watching.
And I don’t know about you, but at the end of every Lifetime movie, I always mutter the same words as I drag myself unhappily up the steps: “Well, that’s two hours of my life that I’ll never get back…”
Any other victims out there? If so, tell me which Lifetime Movie has held you hostage and was it worth it?
I have to say I have never watched a Lifetime movie. It probably stems from the fact that I went about 10 years without cable. I find other ways to waste my time... Usually in the form of some cooking competition show. And I'm SO tired, but I just HAVE to know who is going to have to pack their knives & go. But on the bright side, at least it's mindless enough that I can fold laundry during the show...
ReplyDeletewhen i had cable i watched it alot AM I BAD?..sometimes i need a mindless show i can just watch with out getting involved!
ReplyDeletepretty much any of them sadly and good for you being able to turn off the tv after the end of said horrible movie I normally end up waiting to see if the next one is just as bad or sappy and continue to vicious cycle from there :)
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