Grandmas are magical...

When I was growing up, I thought my grandmother was magical. Of course, I had a pretty low threshold for what constituted magic, so Grandma surpassed it every single time. If we are lucky, the word "grandma" means big hugs and kisses, softness and smiles, but most of all, just a great big 'ole dose of love. And Grandma's love was the most magical of all.

We lived in one apartment complex on the outer edge of town and Grandma lived in the complex next to us for many years. In my mind's eye, I can still see Grandma standing in the open doorway with a big smile on her face and open arms. I see her short, round frame with knees bent slightly to absorb the full-force of my lanky child body. Her middle was soft and she smelled like perfume and Crisco. Future grandmas take note: You should always smell like something good in the kitchen. Your grandkids will like that.

On long summer days, we'd try to stay cool and Grandma always had cold watermelon slices - I could eat as many as I wanted. One summer day, Grandma let me eat the entire watermelon. I stopped eating watermelon after that. Grandma felt bad and started buying Icies instead.

Over the next 30 years, I grew up, moved away, went to college, got married, had two babies - and then one more. Grandma would come visit every two or three months. In the last six or seven years of her life, we would talk on the phone a few days a week and always on Fridays. During our Friday talks, I cleaned the house as we chatted about politics, Medicare, cars, kids, etc. At the end of every phone conversation, Grandma would say, "I love you, Barb." I would reply, "I love you, too." And then she would say, "Honey, love you."

I was 37 years old when my grandmother passed away in January 2009. In the 18 months before she got sick and declined quickly, Grandma went on what I'd like to call her "Going Away Tour." She visited friends and family in different states and we went on two "girls only" trips together. Our last trip was to a place called "Kennywood" in Pennyslvania. We had a recurring theme for that final trip: "Recalculating..."

Six weeks later, life began to blur. A few months later, it was the end for us. But, not for Grandma. She entered into the grandest beginning of everlasting life in heaven. A short time later, my mom and I were on the phone and at the end of the conversation she said, "I love you, Barb." I replied, "I love you, too." And then, Mom took a breath and began to carry on Grandma's good-bye tradition. For which I am grateful.

I was lucky enough to keep two things that remind me of Grandma's life: her Red Door perfume and her handwritten German Chocolate Cake recipe. One sniff of her perfume and I am magically transported back to the memories and moments in her presence that blessed my life in so many ways. When I take a bite of German Chocolate cake, I'm a ten-year old learning how to separate eggs and impatiently waiting for the coconut-pecan frosting to cool before Grandma would put it on the cake. Then, she would slide the bowl in front of me with smile and a warning: "Don't eat too much. You'll get the runs."

 One day, I'll have to tell you about the time Grandma plucked off her eyebrows and drew them back on indigo blue...

Women: Our Ugly Struggle with Beauty...

The following is part of the introduction of a project I've been working on the for the past six weeks. The premise of the project is to examine the relationship that women have with inner and outer beauty. The goal of this project is to encourage women to accept the importance of both inner and outer beauty and recognize their interdependence on each other.


Ladies, can you look into the mirror and repeat the following phrase without flinching: I’m beautiful. Just say it: I'm beautiful.

How do those words feel as they come out of your mouth? Do you feel like you are talking about yourself or do you feel disconnected from those words? If you can’t even say  "I'm beautiful," , it's okay. You are not alone. In fact, a staggering 98% of women struggle to say those words and actually mean them.

Do you remember the buzz surrounding Dove's 2004 Campaign for Real Beauty research project? A decade ago, Dove created a survey to help improve market share for their products. Surprisingly, the research revealed more than what body wash women preferred.   The company's survey revealed that a whopping 98% of women did not believe that they were beautiful. Dove launched an amazing advertising campaign to push back against such staggering data. It's been almost 10 years since that study was conducted and there hasn't been any new data to demonstrate that the original results have radically changed. So, if those numbers are still even somewhat true, this means that approximately 8 of the 10 women reading this sentence would not believe that they are beautiful.

 Maybe your math skills are a little sketchy, so let's use a shopping analogy: If Macy’s had your favorite $40.00 sandal or sneaker for 98% off, you might be tempted to throw an elbow for a chance to get that shoe for only $.80. While a 98% discount on shoes is worthy of celebration, that same 98% signals that we have an epic tragedy on our hands when we realize that only two of 10 women believe they are beautiful.

What is "beauty?" Google's simple definition of "beauty" is "pleasant to gaze on or a combination of attractive qualities." Nowhere in the definition of "beauty" are the words "perfection" or "flawless." Yet, that seems to be what we've elevated our expectation of total beauty to be.

Many women will admit to having beautiful eyes or a beautiful smile. We’ll fess up to admitting that we think that our legs or hair is beautiful. However, it is a rare woman who can confidently stand up to say: “My name is ______________ and I think I’m beautiful.” Who is brave enough to admit to complete beauty, not just a pieces-part, conditional beauty? No, we could never do that. Sadly, 98% of us feel that we authentically cannot do that. 

Why is it so hard to stand in front of a full-length mirror and smile comfortably and confidently at what we see – and cheer what we see? Only a few women are able to do this. So, it is not impossible, just not likely. Even if a woman could admit to being beautiful in front of her bathroom mirror, we are not comfortable when a woman makes her proclamation of beauty in our presence. So, even if she could, we don't necessarily want her to do so.

Yet, we love telling our girlfriends when they look beautiful while forbidding the notion that we could have beauty, too - and admit it. I'm beautiful. No, we cannot say that. Not you. Not me. Yes, those words to belong to others and we pretend that we do not care that we cannot own them for ourselves.

We all know that there is more to life than being able to proclaim our beauty in front of the bathroom mirror. Yes, our value as women should not be wholly dependent upon our physcial features, a bathroom scale or what size clothing we wear. But, let’s not pretend that those things aren’t important. Let’s stop shooing away the topic of outer beauty like a bothersome fly at a picnic.  Let’s step toward authenticity and admit that how we feel about what we see in the mirror does matters. It’s not the only thing that matters, but it does matter.  

If this topic interests you and you'd like to follow this project, you might consider subscribing to my TallBrownBarbie blog. I'll be posting more material in the next few months, but I may not always share the blog on my Facebook. Why? Fear, panic - I don't know.

But, I do have  a favor to ask:  I'm looking for your stories about your triumphs and struggles with both inner and outer beauty. You can post your stories in this blog or inbox me on Facebook. I won't publish anything without your permission.

It Always Seems Impossible Till It's Done...

Nostalgia made a comeback this week after Dodge's well-recieved "God Made a Farmer" commercial debuted during the Superbowl. Here is a 1918 poem that totally inspired me.When I saw this in a Facebook post from Lisa Clair, I just had to repost - make sure to read it twice because it has a certain cadence you may not pick up at first:


"Somebody said that it couldn’t be done,
But, he with a chuckle replied
That "maybe it couldn’t," but he would be one
Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he ...tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you’ll never do that;
At least no one has done it";
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure; There are thousands to point out to you one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle it in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "couldn’t be done," and you’ll do it."
(By Edgar Albert Guest, © 1916)

Thank you so much, Lisa - and to your grandpa for passing it along to you to share with us.

Getting Out of My Own Way...

photo from 123fr.com

"To succeed, you need to find something to hold on to,

something to motivate you, something to inspire you."*

We've finished the first month of the new year. Hopefully, you're still following through with the any of the good intentions you made at the beginning of the year. I need to give props to my husband, who decided to lose 50 pounds. He went back to the gym, changed his eating habits and after 30 days of busting his butt, he's lost 20 pounds - and looks awesome! The workouts at Alpha Fitness may kill him before this is over, but no doubt he'll be ripped in no time flat!

 

I'm entering my fifth week of the six objectives I wanted to accomplish in the six week period from January 1-February 15. With two weeks to go, I'm doing okay. My focus on spiritual disciplines is going well, but getting to the gym four times a week...not so much. Matt and I are enjoying weekly date night- always a good thing!  As for my writing goals, I have two objectives: posting weekly to TallBrownBarbie blog and finishing my book proposal. I'm on track with blogging, but things with my book proposal are a bit trickier.

 

My book proposal...it's killing me. On the first day of writing, I was euphoric because it only took me five hours to create a framework for the book proposal and to start writing the first chapter. Then something interesting began happening in the second and third week of writing - a troubling pattern began to develop. I would be writing content, then realize that based on what I was writing, I would need to tweak the chapter summaries. Once I tweaked the chapter summaries, then I would resume writing. After writing for a bit, I would go back to the chapter summaries again. Call what you want - hamster wheel, spin cycle, insanity - whatever it was, I wasn't making progess and I was getting frustrated.

 

A few days ago, I made an important realization...I've got to get out of my own way.

 

QUESTION:  How do we break through when roadblocks seem to impede the progress toward our goals? How do we keep from sabotaging our hard work?

 

1. Re-assess your "win"  - Make sure you have a crystal-clear definition of your goal. Additionally, you must identify the payoff that achieving that goal will bring to your life. How will your achievement inspire or motivate you? Once you've got the answer to that question, you can use it to continuously create momentum to drive you over the obstacles that are sure to arise along the journey.

 

2. Don't let roadblocks obscure the big picture or your goal -  There's a million cliches about have courage. Why? Because we need constant reminders not to give up when the going gets tough. It's easy to let a series of discouraging moments or events overcome you, but keep pushing through. Not only does pushing through get you close to your goal, but there is an added value in experiencing the satisfaction that comes from enduring difficulties and overcoming them.

 

3. Slow and steady wins the race - The story of the tortoise and the hare is ancient, but still relevant today. To accomplish anything meaningful, we need to pace ourselves well over the long haul. In his book, Great By Choice, Jim Collins introduces the "20-mile march"** model advocating consistency and discipline over slash-n-dash attempts to hurry to progress. Sometimes, we do need to make haste and seize opportunities, but we cannot keep up a breakneck pace when chasing a goal or else we will miss important milestones along the way. It's better to take time to readjust our goals along the way than to have to backtrack because we hurried too fast and missed a warning sign or an opportune moment.

 

Based on the suggestions above, here's what I'm thinking for my situation:

1. My "win" is to finish my book proposal. The reason why I need this win is to move to the next step which is finding an agent, who might like me or what I've written. Fingers crossed.

2. I've got a lot of roadblocks - distraction, insecurity, fear, etc - and it's my job to self-manage my reactions to those feelings. I think that what I'm writing can make a difference, but if I talk myself out of doing this, I'll never know.

3. I want to be done with the book proposal now. Right now. In fact, I hoped I finished it this weekend, but sensed that I was psyching myself out, so I decided to take a day off and watch lots of Downton Abbey. Good move on my part.

 

 

How are your goals going? Where are your roadblocks - and have you lost track of your "win"? Pushing through our plateau moments or even temporary failures is all part of the journey.

Scriptural Inspiration: Romans 5:3-5 is one of my top 10 favorite verses in the Bible. The scriptual author reminds us that our difficulties give us an opportunity to develop endurance - and it is endurance that shapes our character. When we have solid character, especially when our character reflects the character of Christ, then we experience the magnficent hope that God will never leave us or forsake us in whatever we experience in this life. Here is the link to the verse: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%205:3-5&version=NLT

 

*Quote from Tony Dorsett

** Here's an article with Collins discussing Great By Choice. It's long, but if you like this stuff, it's a good article: http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2011/09/30/jim-collins-great-by-choice-exclusive-excerpt/

.

 

Fake It 'Till You Make It...

Photo from fearless-selling.ca

I'm a big fan of the phrase "fake it 'till you make it" or the idea that we should live like the person that really want to be - even if we don't feel like it in the moment. This saying is actually an adaptation of a ancient quote by Aristotle about developing virtue, but in modern times we've taken it to mean that if we imitate the reality of what we want to be, then we'll eventually get there. Now, I should also say that my admiration of this phrase shouldn't construed as any kind of theological statement or application - I just like the phrase. Frankly, in stressful moments, I'd rather "fake" the right feeling or response than experience the regret or carnage that can happen if I insist on being "authentically Barb." Let me explain...

While I am flawed, I am also authentically kind, compassionate and loving. I think that my life record backs this up. Yet, at certain times, my authentic self can be downright cranky, caustic and even another -y word on occasion. When I am frustrated,  I can act out - especially when I forget that bad moments pass and life will upswing again.

What about the H-Word?
A few of you maybe wondering if "faking" it will lead to accusations of our favorite H-word: hypocrisy. I don't think so. In the context of this saying, someone who is "faking it until he or she makes it" believes in the ideals they are imitating AND they working toward authenticity, but they may not feel authentic in the moment. In my humble opinion, it is possible to make what author Lysa TerKeurst calls "imperfect process" toward a goal (ie. authenticity) without being accused of hypocrisy. Just because someone isn't perfect, doesn't make him or her a hypocrite, it just makes them human. Conversely, a hypocrite doesn't really believe in the ideals he or she is imitating, they just want others to think they do. Am I a hypocrite because I "fake" being a nice mom to my kids on days when I feel selfish? No. I believe in being a generous and sacrificial mom and so on days when I don't feel like it, I willingly fake it. And for me, it's totally the right thing to do. Why? Because I know that my temporary wrong feelings will pass and I will find my way back to my authentic self. "Faking" it keeps me from creating unnecessary regret in those bad moments.

"Faking" Still Requires Effort...
I would love to just wallow in contentment for 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Why? Because, I love it when I feel content. When I am content, there is no angst or strife over missed expectations or let down when people disappoint me. Alas, I really have to work hard at being content. So, for me, "faking" contentment means that I must do the things that contented people do:

• I constantly recognize and give thanks for my blessings;
• I don't look around and obsess about what others have that I don't;
• I am a good steward of what I do have and recognize that God won't bless me with more unless I honor Him with what I already have.

Here's the funny thing about "faking it"...when I do the things I don't really feel like do, I discover that eventually, I develop the feelings and attitude that I had hoped for all along. "Faking" still requires action - it's not passive. Skeptics might say that if something is fake, that it can never be real. Well, that is true of anything that doesn't have a will of its own, but humans are different. Unlike cubic zirconium or vegan leather, we can be changed and transformed into that which we've always hoped or dreamed we could be. However, we don't always feel like making progress, but "faking it" fills in the gap until we eventually feel that which we truly want to be.

What do you need to "fake" toward today?



Scriptural Inspiration: In Philippians 3, the Apostle Paul was talking with Christians about keeping a 10,000 ft perspective on life's difficulties and struggles. After recounting - then discounting - his esteemed pedigree, Paul acknowledges that he is human and makes mistakes. Considering all that the apostle endured, we can be certain that the Apostle Paul had some tough moments in life. Yet, in Philippians 3:14, Paul provides the big-picture purpose of his life, which should inspire us as we think why we are on this planet: "I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."

Life.Money.Hope.

How much time do you spend each day thinking about money? It doesn't matter if you have a lot of money or a little bit of money, I'd wager that you spend at least half of your waking hours thinking about buying, spending, saving, investing, giving, borrow, maybe even betting money.

What if money is a painful topic for you...
So many of you are on a financial rollercoaster: you're elated when you get paid because you finally have money to survive, but it runs out too soon, so you spend 1 1/2 of every 2 weeks waiting to get paid again. Furthermore, you're frustrated because you know that all of your hard work wasn't going to be enough to cover your expenses - and you feel like you have nothing to show for your life. At some point, you might even feel like you are losing hope. Hang in there! There is HOPE...

Hope is a Powerful Thing...
I just finished teaching a "Life.Money.Hope." ** three-week series at a central city location in Toledo. On the last night of class, a single mom came up to me with tears flowing down her face because for the first time, she had information and confidence that she could change her family's financial future. And, she wasn't the only energized person in the room. There was an incredible buzz on the last night of that class. Why? For the first time in their lives, those class participants realized that they could actually "win" with money - and they didn't need complicated finanical formulas or risky strategies. These men and women were armed with straight-forward, proven financial principals that gave them what they needed most...HOPE!

Take Some "Baby Steps" to Winning with Money!
Best-selling author and tv host, Dave Ramsey has developed the "Seven Baby Steps" to get anyone  - including you - back on track financially. It doesn't matter how bad things are, little baby steps in the right direction can make a HUGE difference!

Ramsey's Seven Baby Steps (link to article: http://www.daveramsey.com/new/baby-steps/)
1. Save $1000 as fast as you can! (For household incomes less than $20k, save $500.)
2. Use "debt snowball" to pay off debt.
3. Save 3-6 months of expenses in Emergency Savings Account
4. Invest 15% of pre-tax income
5. College funding (if applicable)
6. Pay off home early
7. Build wealth and give

If you haven't done so already, make it a priority to get Baby Step #1 done as soon as possible. You won't believe how amazing you'll feel when there's cushion between you and that next emergency - which is going to happen. But, saving that initial $1000 is just the beginning...

I'm a huge fan of Dave Ramsey and his Financial Peace University program. Over 1 million people nationwide have taken his 9-week class - the average family pays off $5300 and saves over $2500 over a three-month period. Check out www.daveramsey.com for more details and locations to register for FPU or you can watch this promo video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVXaBTARD7k

By the way, CedarCreek's Financial Peace University classes begin the week of February 11, so if you are in Northwest Ohio, check out our website for more details.


**Life.Money.Hope. is a three-week Dave Ramsey taught as a guest speaker at LifeChurch.tv in Oklahoma City in 2009. You can check out Lifechurch.tv's site for the free videos.

Help for Mr. & Mrs. Grumpypants...

Struggling with a bad attitude? Life not turning out like you'd planned? Perhaps, there is ONE question you could ask that might just change your attitude and outlook on your situation...

On March 3, 2011, an 11-year girl named Jessie Rees was diagnosed with an inoperable, incurable brain tumor. The doctors told her parents that Jessie had 12-18 months to live. The family chose a treatment plan in hopes of extending her life. While undergoing out-patient radiation treatment, Jessie learned that some of the kids had to remain in the hospital for weeks and months while they recieved their treatments. Even though radiation was difficult, Jessie was worried about those children who couldn't go home. After leaving the hospital one day, Jessie asked her parents a very important question: "How can we help them?"

Jessie went home and filled up brown paper lunch sacks with stuffed animals and extra toys and asked her dad to take those sacks back to the hospital for the other kids. Jessie's dad called the hospital and was granted permission to deliver the toys, but instead of paper bags, the toys had to be put into glass jars. Those jars were an instant hit! Eventually, Jessie named her creations "Joy Jars" - because her middle name was "Joy." While her life would be cut short, the most important thing in Jessie's mind was devoting time and energy to helping others.

Sadly, Jessie passed away 10 months after her diagnosis on January 5, 2012. Before she died, Jessie filled 3,000 Joy Jars and started the Never Give Up Foundation (NEGU), now called the Jessie Rees Foundation.* In the past year, over 30,000 Joy Jars have been distributed to hospitals and Ronald McDonald Houses all over the country.

Consider a different approach to dealing with life...
When we're going through difficult times or struggling with our relationships, the idea of seeking out opportunities to help others is often the last thing on our minds. We believe that we must direct 100% of our time, resources, mental energy and worrying toward trying to overcome our challenges or troubles. Yet, what would happen if we carved out just an hour or two a week to ask another person: "What can I do to help you?"

Goodbye Mrs. Grumpypants... 
When things don't go my way - or when people disappoint me - I can get kinda grumpy. So, this past summer was my 20th wedding anniversary and I was really excited. Yet, my husband and I were never able to commit to any travel plans. It was a huge disappointment for me and I got angry.  My mind was filled with phrases like, "It's not fair" and "I deserve..." I wasn't getting what I wanted and no amount of effort could change the situation.

A few days after our anniversary, my sister-in-law and niece were in a horrific car accident. My niece spent long periods of time in an induced-coma and had so many surgeries we lost count. In the weeks that followed the accident, I had the opportunity to ask the question, "How can I help?"  Asking that simple question drew me out of my selfishness and actually improved my attitude toward the things in my life that I couldn't change. It got me out of my own head and engaged me with what was happening around me. I felt great because I knew that I was making a difference in someone else's life. Here's a truth I remembered: Making a difference is ALWAYS better than getting my own way.

Asking the question, "What can I do to help?" doesn't diminish the significance of your problems!
I know that some of you have your backs against the wall in some area or another of your life. Making yourself available to help someone else isn't just good for them - in fact, it's critically important for you and your healthy attitude toward the things in life that you might not be able to change. 

 "No one can do everyone, but everyone can do something."

SCRIPTURAL INSPIRATION: In Matthew 20, Jesus was talking to the disciples about his impending death and patiently listening to them while they mounted a power play in hopes of an enhanced position in the kingdom. No doubt, having full-knowledge of what was to come must have been a stressful mental and emotional burden. Yet, Jesus does not lose sight of his mission and the following words inspire servant-leaders all over the world today:  ^"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28)


 

*For more information about Joy Jars and to watch Jessie's story, here is the link: http://www.negu.org/