Was this year really Fabulous?

Angel, Barb, Lauren and Kerry...We survived another year!



Barb, Lysa TerKeurst and Lauren

It's been a week since the Fabulous Conference. Truthfully, it feels like another lifetime ago.

 

I've spent the last week of reconnecting with my family - doing laundry and trying to get my house back in order. It can take time to re-establish normalcy after a month of straight-up cray-cray. Everyone survived, including our five-year old rabbit who keeps holding on for reasons that make absolutely no sense.

I'm still getting cards and notes from women - and thought I would share a few thoughts. After the conference ends, the most common question I'm asked is: "So, how did Fabulous go?" While I am tempted to share some of the drama we endured behind the scenes, what people really want to know is if Fabulous truly lived up to its name. Yes, it did. But the road to Fabulous is always paved with some pretty bumpy highway and a few dramas, like four days before the conference when we discovered that we were 200 swag bags short. There were a few other moments when I wasn't sure if I was adequate for the task. Yet, God is faithful. And I have some pretty amazing girlfriends.

Another question I've been asked a lot was if I had a favorite moment. Absolutely! Lysa TerKeurst's talk was crazy-fabulous, but I my favorite moment was interviewing Lysa after lunch. This type of Q&A isn't usually part of her appearance, but we asked for special permission and Lysa was game. In fact, after chatting with her in the green room, Lysa graciously invited us to ask whatever questions we would like. During the interview, I remember trying to snapshot each moment to replay in my memory at a later date. I was sitting next to Lysa TerKeurst! It was awesome! (By the way, follow @LysaTerKeurst on Twitter and check out her blog at www.lysaterkeurst.com - good stuff!)

After the interview, Lauren and I giggled about how fixated we were on the gorgeous color of her eyes, how much we loved her shoes and most of all, how inspired we were by her words. Such a great moment that overcame the thousands of hours, decisions, dollars, frustrations, sleepless nights, mistakes - in that moment, it was so worth it all!

Lucky for us, "fabulous" never has to mean perfect. Fabulous really means extraordinary or wonderful - and that's exactly what this year's conference was in so many ways. If "fabulous" ever changes to mean perfect, then that will be my last year on the team. I'm not perfect. Never have been. Never will be.

At the end of each Fabulous Conference, Lauren, Kerry, Angel and I collapse on the floor of the green room. Since we usually don't get a chance to eat for two days, we scavenged leftover chicken salad lunches with our fingers (don't judge...) and scarfed down apple pie tarts like it was our last meal before the apocalypse. And we talked. And talked. And talked until it was time for us to resume our post-Fabulous lives.

Almost 400 women have take our conference survey and we've seen lots of comments and opinions about what we do at the Fabulous Conference. However, no one will ever be as critical of our event as we are. This isn't an arrogant statement. It's the truth. I've never had a massage, gotten my hair fixed, sat in the coffee house, purchased from the retail table or bought a Fabulous Latte. Yet, I've had the privilege of receiving messages after the conference from ladies who've experienced encouragement, inspiration or an infusion of desperately needed hope. These women are why we want Fabulous to live up to its name.

Here's one comment sent us about this year's conference. We thought we'd share this with you:

"I loved the fabulous conference this year! I wasn't sure what to expect because I have never been before but the whole thing was such a great experience! I'm 20 years old and I was kind of worried there weren't going to be people my age there but there were so many young people, and people of all ages that it made the experience a great one. I really loved the topic too on friends, it was so powerful and helpful for me! I really felt like the conference couldn't have had a better topic. The speakers did an awesome job and I definitely plan on attending in the years to come! Thank you so much for all the hard work you put into this event, it really paid off and I am so thankful that I got to attend the fabulous conference this year! Thank you!"

Fake It 'Till You Make It...

Photo from fearless-selling.ca

I'm a big fan of the phrase "fake it 'till you make it" or the idea that we should live like the person that really want to be - even if we don't feel like it in the moment. This saying is actually an adaptation of a ancient quote by Aristotle about developing virtue, but in modern times we've taken it to mean that if we imitate the reality of what we want to be, then we'll eventually get there. Now, I should also say that my admiration of this phrase shouldn't construed as any kind of theological statement or application - I just like the phrase. Frankly, in stressful moments, I'd rather "fake" the right feeling or response than experience the regret or carnage that can happen if I insist on being "authentically Barb." Let me explain...

While I am flawed, I am also authentically kind, compassionate and loving. I think that my life record backs this up. Yet, at certain times, my authentic self can be downright cranky, caustic and even another -y word on occasion. When I am frustrated,  I can act out - especially when I forget that bad moments pass and life will upswing again.

What about the H-Word?
A few of you maybe wondering if "faking" it will lead to accusations of our favorite H-word: hypocrisy. I don't think so. In the context of this saying, someone who is "faking it until he or she makes it" believes in the ideals they are imitating AND they working toward authenticity, but they may not feel authentic in the moment. In my humble opinion, it is possible to make what author Lysa TerKeurst calls "imperfect process" toward a goal (ie. authenticity) without being accused of hypocrisy. Just because someone isn't perfect, doesn't make him or her a hypocrite, it just makes them human. Conversely, a hypocrite doesn't really believe in the ideals he or she is imitating, they just want others to think they do. Am I a hypocrite because I "fake" being a nice mom to my kids on days when I feel selfish? No. I believe in being a generous and sacrificial mom and so on days when I don't feel like it, I willingly fake it. And for me, it's totally the right thing to do. Why? Because I know that my temporary wrong feelings will pass and I will find my way back to my authentic self. "Faking" it keeps me from creating unnecessary regret in those bad moments.

"Faking" Still Requires Effort...
I would love to just wallow in contentment for 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Why? Because, I love it when I feel content. When I am content, there is no angst or strife over missed expectations or let down when people disappoint me. Alas, I really have to work hard at being content. So, for me, "faking" contentment means that I must do the things that contented people do:

• I constantly recognize and give thanks for my blessings;
• I don't look around and obsess about what others have that I don't;
• I am a good steward of what I do have and recognize that God won't bless me with more unless I honor Him with what I already have.

Here's the funny thing about "faking it"...when I do the things I don't really feel like do, I discover that eventually, I develop the feelings and attitude that I had hoped for all along. "Faking" still requires action - it's not passive. Skeptics might say that if something is fake, that it can never be real. Well, that is true of anything that doesn't have a will of its own, but humans are different. Unlike cubic zirconium or vegan leather, we can be changed and transformed into that which we've always hoped or dreamed we could be. However, we don't always feel like making progress, but "faking it" fills in the gap until we eventually feel that which we truly want to be.

What do you need to "fake" toward today?



Scriptural Inspiration: In Philippians 3, the Apostle Paul was talking with Christians about keeping a 10,000 ft perspective on life's difficulties and struggles. After recounting - then discounting - his esteemed pedigree, Paul acknowledges that he is human and makes mistakes. Considering all that the apostle endured, we can be certain that the Apostle Paul had some tough moments in life. Yet, in Philippians 3:14, Paul provides the big-picture purpose of his life, which should inspire us as we think why we are on this planet: "I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."