When Barbie went to Washington and found her dream...

My favorite 80's movie...

When I was in the eighth grade, our school sent us to Washington DC. It was one of the most profound experiences of my 13-year old life. Back then, Whitney Houston was beautiful, young and looking to dance with somebody. On that trip,  I saw black women commanding the sidewalks in the most powerful city of America dressed in power suits, carrying hard leather briefcases and I'll-crush-you high-heeled shoes. These women looked like they could change the world and in that moment, I knew I wanted to be one of them. So, I gazed through the tour bus window at those women through my triple-thick glasses, I started to dream the most unlikely of dreams for a tall, brown girl with big front teeth and not a lot of confidence. But, this was my whispered dream: "One day, I want to wear a power suit, carry a briefcase and walk in fancy high heels to an important job."
And, that dream stuck with me. All through high school. All through college. Through getting married a week before my 20th birthday. And the dream persisted when I became a mom at 20 years old. Through obstacles and unlikely odds, I still dreamed that I could be what I had seen long before. It was the dream I clung to when my life seemed to be going in the opposite direction.

My first job out of college came with the briefcase, power suits (with smaller shoulder pads - it was the mid-90s) and of course, high heels. I went to work in an important-for-a-22-year-old job. At last, the dream had become reality. So, I settled in. Over the years, we added a few more kids, a house, a few car payments, some marriage struggles, a few health scares. One day, I woke up and realized my dream was no longer a dream. Yet, I had nothing to take it's place. I discovered that life had chased the need to dream right out of me. I was afraid to dream.

Dreams are a sweet place where we vacation in "what could be." Dreams are not the place where we try to figure out the details, eliminate the barriers or chastise ourselves to be practical. It's just the place in our mind where we test drive the spectacular at any given point in time in the future. It's where we pretend in different scenarios until we hit upon something that we decide to act upon. The best dreams are about stepping out in faith, helping others - the worst about indulging self. However often do we avoid dreaming because we think it has no value or because we cannot come up with anything better than we are already doing. And that makes us sad.

We believe that being good adults, especially "good parents" means that any dreams we have should be for our kids - good schools, good sports performance, great college - those are our dreams for them. But, what about dreams for you? The kids are going to clear out one day and unless you want to spend your days trying to figure out Twitter, what will you be doing with your life?

A few months ago, our entire church read Rick Warren's book, What on Earth Am I Here For? The theme of the book was to discover why God put us on this planet and for us to find our God-inspired dream. I've been talking with people who discovered their God-inspired dreams. I met with a few over the last couple of months and their eyes are shining and they are bursting with energy and vitality - just because they have a new dream. That's what I want for you.

I've been grappling with my dream for a few years and I've discovered a few things that might help you - if you're interested:

1. Dreams are not mutually-exclusive - you don't have to quit your job, move to another city or switch out your favorite whatever to dream. Dream where you are at right now. Even today. Why? Keep reading...
2. Many of our dreams need time to shape and grow - nothing comes together at once. Takes time. Keep repeating that to yourself. "It takes time..." Say it.
3. It's okay to update your dream - or let it go -  Maybe you dreamed of being a high-end chef but you love spending weekends with your family (weekends are not chef-friendly), so it's okay to let that dream go and find a new one. Do you need to let a dream go? If you can't let it go, find a friend and let him or her stomp on that dream for you. Buy them dinner to say 'thanks.'
4. Your dream should make your heart race, your blood boil and make you break out into a cold sweat at night - if that happens and you aren't dreaming, make a doctor's appointment...Seriously, your dream, especially for those of us who share a similar faith, our dreams should make us call out to God for help because they are just too big for us. Now, that's a real dream!

So, what's my dream? Before I share my dream, I should also add that the best thing you can do is share your dream with others. Dreams need oxygen to grow. But, that's the scariest part of a dream because we don't want to put something out there and it not happen. No one wants to look stupid, Barb. Well, maybe you. You did do a rap video... I agree that no one wants to look stupid. But, we have to give ourselves permission to allow dreams to be dreams. Now, once we start spending time, money or resources on a dream, then it stops being a dream and we can't be careless or flake anymore. And that's okay. Some of you need to push your dreams toward reality because you've got something to offer the world. Get gutsy. 

My dream is to write a book that inspires women to embrace that God-given uniqueness and beauty and to have the opportunity to share that message as many places as I can. That's my dream.

What's yours?

Fake It 'Till You Make It...

Photo from fearless-selling.ca

I'm a big fan of the phrase "fake it 'till you make it" or the idea that we should live like the person that really want to be - even if we don't feel like it in the moment. This saying is actually an adaptation of a ancient quote by Aristotle about developing virtue, but in modern times we've taken it to mean that if we imitate the reality of what we want to be, then we'll eventually get there. Now, I should also say that my admiration of this phrase shouldn't construed as any kind of theological statement or application - I just like the phrase. Frankly, in stressful moments, I'd rather "fake" the right feeling or response than experience the regret or carnage that can happen if I insist on being "authentically Barb." Let me explain...

While I am flawed, I am also authentically kind, compassionate and loving. I think that my life record backs this up. Yet, at certain times, my authentic self can be downright cranky, caustic and even another -y word on occasion. When I am frustrated,  I can act out - especially when I forget that bad moments pass and life will upswing again.

What about the H-Word?
A few of you maybe wondering if "faking" it will lead to accusations of our favorite H-word: hypocrisy. I don't think so. In the context of this saying, someone who is "faking it until he or she makes it" believes in the ideals they are imitating AND they working toward authenticity, but they may not feel authentic in the moment. In my humble opinion, it is possible to make what author Lysa TerKeurst calls "imperfect process" toward a goal (ie. authenticity) without being accused of hypocrisy. Just because someone isn't perfect, doesn't make him or her a hypocrite, it just makes them human. Conversely, a hypocrite doesn't really believe in the ideals he or she is imitating, they just want others to think they do. Am I a hypocrite because I "fake" being a nice mom to my kids on days when I feel selfish? No. I believe in being a generous and sacrificial mom and so on days when I don't feel like it, I willingly fake it. And for me, it's totally the right thing to do. Why? Because I know that my temporary wrong feelings will pass and I will find my way back to my authentic self. "Faking" it keeps me from creating unnecessary regret in those bad moments.

"Faking" Still Requires Effort...
I would love to just wallow in contentment for 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Why? Because, I love it when I feel content. When I am content, there is no angst or strife over missed expectations or let down when people disappoint me. Alas, I really have to work hard at being content. So, for me, "faking" contentment means that I must do the things that contented people do:

• I constantly recognize and give thanks for my blessings;
• I don't look around and obsess about what others have that I don't;
• I am a good steward of what I do have and recognize that God won't bless me with more unless I honor Him with what I already have.

Here's the funny thing about "faking it"...when I do the things I don't really feel like do, I discover that eventually, I develop the feelings and attitude that I had hoped for all along. "Faking" still requires action - it's not passive. Skeptics might say that if something is fake, that it can never be real. Well, that is true of anything that doesn't have a will of its own, but humans are different. Unlike cubic zirconium or vegan leather, we can be changed and transformed into that which we've always hoped or dreamed we could be. However, we don't always feel like making progress, but "faking it" fills in the gap until we eventually feel that which we truly want to be.

What do you need to "fake" toward today?



Scriptural Inspiration: In Philippians 3, the Apostle Paul was talking with Christians about keeping a 10,000 ft perspective on life's difficulties and struggles. After recounting - then discounting - his esteemed pedigree, Paul acknowledges that he is human and makes mistakes. Considering all that the apostle endured, we can be certain that the Apostle Paul had some tough moments in life. Yet, in Philippians 3:14, Paul provides the big-picture purpose of his life, which should inspire us as we think why we are on this planet: "I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."