Add "hillbilly" for a hit...

Hillbilly Handfishing? Really.Yet it seems so. This newest reality television show premieres this Sunday on Animal Planet.  For your sake, I decided to dig up some more info about the show...you're welcome.  I really think this one is going to stick because it is based on the classic formula for television success something unique, then add 'hillbilly' to the title...shaazam! Instant audience!

The reality show, Hillbilly Handfishin' features hosts Skipper and Jackson - I don't know Skipper's last name and Jackson's last name is Jackson, but I don't know his first name. Right off the bat, I realized that both men possess the appropriate Southern drawl, which is sure to boost ratings in the North. (I'm certain that the show's creators and producers know that Northerners love to listen to Southern drawls -we really do. We like twangs, too.)

Some basic Hillbilly Handfishing vocabulary: "noodlin," which is the fancy verb that describes the action of handfishing. Therefore, 'noodlers' are the people who stick their hand into a fishing hole in hopes of snagging a fish - barehanded - hence the name 'handfishing.' Notice how I did not mention the words "pole" or "hook" in the previous description. Why didn't I mention those two important pieces of equipment? Well, that seems to be where the "hillbilly" come in. The absence of those particular accouterments now defines the activity as something that hillbillies would do.


Why "hillbilly" is the term chosen to describe this method of fishing, I don't know? What I do know is that any time something is tagged with the word "hillbilly" us Northerners are going to tune in and watch in hopes that our stereotypical expectations are fulfilled. While there are lots of other terms that also denote handfishin' such as: catfisting, grabbling, hogging, dogging, tickling and stumping - however, none of them have the potential to draw viewers and ratings like the word "hillbilly." Sad, but true. Would it be called 'gangstafishing' if two brown-skinned brothers in saggy jeans jumped in the water and started shooting the fish with a gun cocked sideways? I'm just saying...

I watched a Leno interview where Skipper showed a clip demonstrating how handfishing worked - whether you were a hillbilly or not. First rule of handfishing: keep your clothes on. I watched as the clip of Skipper jumping off a high ledge into dirty water fully-dressed - he was wearing khakis and work boots, but no shirt. However, his noodlin' partner, Jackson opted to keep his shirt on. You can speculate one approach over the other, but frankly, I was too busy wondering about the absence of a boat. 

I watched as Skipper and Jackson swam in the murky, muddy water feeling for open holes in the muddy riverbank walls. Once an opening in the riverbank was located, then its all hands on deck - or in this case, all hands in the hole! What happens next is a bunch of flailing and yelling before the fish is subdued by Skipper. Honestly, I couldn't tell if the fish was dead or not. I think knowing that is important, don't you? How in the world do they get back to shore with a big fish in their arms? If they had a boat, I probably wouldn't have so many questions.

It seems I'm a little slow and so I probably wouldn't make a good noodler. Perhaps I don't get the essence of the sport - especially when I hear Skipper explain that "noodlin'" is like going "bear huntin' with a switch." What does that mean? I don't know. Feel free to explain it to me...

Did you realize that handfishing is illegal in many states, including Ohio. There are 10 or so states where it is legal, most of those states being in the South, most importantly, Kentucky. Then again, Sister Wives proves that legalities aren't really a barrier to reality television.

Since I like drawls, twangs and fish, I'll probably watch on Sunday. If you watch, tell us what you think.  And if you've been handfishing, it's up to you whether or not you want to tell us about it...

The Lifetime Movie Hostage Situation…

 I've been snookered again by a Lifetime movie...
 

Most women know the danger of the Lifetime movie and yet we tend to fall for them every time. It’s always a movie with a mediocre storyline cast with B-list actors set in an All-American suburb. The heroine is either a single mother, a put-upon wife or a cosmopolitan single woman in need of romance and/or danger.

The Lifetime Movie-Watcher hostage situation happens innocently enough. While we never actually set out to watch a Lifetime movie, it is our remote control that betrays us. We are particularly susceptible to these movies at 9:30pm, once we’ve discovered that Gray’s Anatomy is a re-run or after watching half of Desperate Housewives and realizing that the same, stupid storyline isn’t ending anytime soon. So, we begin channel surfing...

And this is how it goes down:

Step One: As we channel surf, we don’t realize that we’ve landed on Lifetime movie. Instead, we see an actress we recognize from a previous favorite television show. We liked her from the show and we stop to see if perhaps she is playing the same type of character.

Step Two: We wait around to see if she is either dating or married to a handsome guy. If he’s not handsome or he’s a jerk, that instantly breaks the spell and we are saved from the hostage situation. But, if he’s cute…

Step Three: THE SITUATION…it depends. If our likeable heroine is falling in love or if she is in danger and he is coming to her rescue, we’re going to stick around and watch it.

Step Four: This is called the “Point-of-no-Return…” This is the point in the movie in which we realize we’ve been had – we’re stuck and we won’t turn, even though we really, really want to. While we might like the actress playing the heroine and we are hoping for a happy ending, we are dying over the silly storyline that they are trapped in. It’s usually implausible or just plain old wacky.

However, when we look at the clock and realize that we’ve invested 85 minutes into a 120-minute movie, we realize we've been had. Yet, we continue watching. We're not happy, but we keep watching.

And I don’t know about you, but at the end of every Lifetime movie, I always mutter the same words as I drag myself unhappily up the steps: “Well, that’s two hours of my life that I’ll never get back…”

Any other victims out there? If so, tell me which Lifetime Movie has held you hostage and was it worth it?